figuring out how to breathe
If you've read any of my writing ever, you would probably gather the sense that I'm a very go go go person. I've never coped well with periods of silence, or how they're usually categorized in my mind: obsolescence. Time and time again, people have given me advice on this, people I trust and value the opinions of. I always get the same response back in one way or another:
I need to relax!
I remember one argument on this topic very well. Someone from my past and I would begin this discussion of action, accomplishment casually, and it would always lead to them telling me I needed to try meditation. Like the traditional, cross legged (or whatever relaxing position), silent kind. This absolutely boggled my mind. How did I ever seem like the kind of person who would need meditation to them?
I would always explain that I "meditate" in many different ways. I considered piano a form of meditation. Going for a walk and sitting to sketch a little. A bike ride. They insisted that the traditional way would change my life. We usually left those conversations off in a huff, agreeing to disagree.
This is not a post on how I discovered the joys of meditation. I actually did eventually try to learn how to properly meditate, and I think I did do it right, it just wasn't for me. That was after we parted ways, although I did try a few times before. Now at least I can say I tried. So then the question was, how do I breathe when I really need it?
Yesterday, I was practicing one of my forms of meditation: the classic bike ride. I have a circuit in my head of all the little libraries in my neighbourhood, and tend to check them all for goodies on my rides, just to keep the journey exciting. This time, in the one closest to my house, a little handmade book sat right in the centre.. a zine!
It was a construction paper masterpiece, with little fold-ins and photos, wrapped together in a rainbow ribbon binding. I stuffed it in the little pocket of my bike, and headed straight for my ravine spot to read it.
I think, along with all my little breather methods I mentioned, people are a really integral part of my wellbeing. Duh, everyone needs people in their lives. I find when I get really focused on my work, I become isolated in my own world in order to be as efficient as possible. Sometimes all it takes is a little reminder from the world that, hey, there's so many people out there just like you, that you can learn from!
Here's an excerpt from the zine that I really loved. It unfortunately was completely anonymous, meaning I can't track that wonderful artist down and tell them just how much this zine meant to me.
Dear Human,
You've got it all wrong. You didn't come here to master unconditional love. That is where you came from and where you'll return. You came here to learn personal love. Messy love, sweaty love, crazy love. Whole love. Infused with divinity. Lived through the beauty of messing up. Often. You didn't come here to be perfect. You already are. You came here to be gorgeously human. Flawed and fabulous and then- to rise again into remembering.
I think I'll always struggle a little with time, what to do with it, how to enjoy the slow spots. This message came to me at just the right time though.