the three pillars of satisfaction
In conversation with a friend of mine yesterday evening in between piano practicing, we were led to a revelation that I haven't quite found the parameters for yet until tonight.
In my life, especially now, I feel that I've always had 3 pillars that defined my satisfaction in my life, those being:
- the sense of success
- the sense of self
- And the sense of others
No matter what, there has never been a single point where I've been content with my position on all three at the same time. I have no issue with that. If I was ever fully ok with every single thing in my life, there would be no reason to grow and change and simply be alive. I'm going to delve into these three ideas and what they entail.
- THE SENSE OF SUCCESS
Most people from a very young age are asked what they want to be when they grow up. Answers to that question, of course, start very abstract, often absurd. I, personally, wanted to be a rock star, or a princess, or simply an artist. My brother at a young age wanted to be a firefighter. In some cases, a firetruck.
We are taught very young that success is tied to our jobs, our wealth, and what we can buy with that wealth. Things for purchase can include but are not limited to:
- A house
- The family you could afford if you had the money to buy a house
- The interpersonal fulfillment you would have if you could afford a family
As "growing up" has gone from completely unthinkable, to some distant date, to walking across an auditorium stage, to now facing the beginning of what will (hopefully) be a lifelong career, I've found myself in the process of completely shifting what success in life means to me.
I believe not necessarily in doing what you love and making money from it, but working a job that you don't struggle to get out of bed for to be able to enjoy the life you want, whatever job and earnings that entails. For me, my career will always be that. My career. I strive to have a life outside of that with completely separate hobbies and interests, but that doesn't mean success stops at just the job.
The sense of success is intrinsically tied to the pursuit of intellectual stimulation. What you do to sustain yourself should never bore you, if you can help it. Challenge is the key to success, always. If I may borrow a bit from Freud's study on the ego and the id, this is in line with his idea that unpleasurable sensations lead to change, a heightening of emotional and mental state of intensity.
Regrettably so, my current education isn't exciting me at all. I've strived to keep myself active within my field by doing my own case studies to an extent, watching architecture documentaries and doing my own site studies. I would put my love for documentation in this vein of success. While creation, in different senses every time, could fall into each category in different ways, documenting to grow both in my field and also to show the world is very much in the vein of success.
- THE SENSE OF SELF
The sense of self is defined by all that makes you, you, regardless of whether it contributes to your trajectory in life or not. These are your interests, your character. One can influence the other, and they both can always be changed (to some extent, and with lots of hard work).
The self is the one that dictates not only who you are to yourself, but how you present yourself to the world. Everyone has different parameters for who they picture themselves to be, and how they want to show it. While it is different for everyone, in my experience, I've noticed that the people who have the strongest character are comfortable with spending time with themselves. This doesn't entail spending time alone, but having conversations with yourself as you would with a friend (talking aloud to yourself optional).
Those who spend time with themselves are inherently problem solvers. The biggest disease of the self is a sense of guttural tension that I'm sure has plagued everyone once, twice, many times in their life. Many try to fill that void by spending time with people to avoid the blaring noise in their heads, but find themselves consumed with hurt the second they close the bedroom door.
If you find yourself unhappy with an aspect of your character, maybe a lack of drive or confidence, the reality is that no other thing in the world will change that for you but yourself. I've found this out the hard way many times, finding myself in periods where boredom goes from a dull ache to stabbing pain. To fulfill my sense of self, I've found myself re-aligning with my interests in life, or starting totally anew in another vein.
Things that I find are inherently tied in my sense of self are:
- My piano playing
- My writing
- My art
- My culture
- How I see the world around me
When I produce something that is only meant for me, I feel a joy beyond comprehension. Every bar that I memorize in a piece is enough joy to last me the week alone. This isn't always true, however feeling like you've carved out the skills that alone, are a fun thing to mention in an icebreaker, but together make a completely unique portrait of a person, is irreplaceable.
I find when I'm satisfied in my hobbies, my self worth and pride is much better for it. Maybe it's pushing away the feeling of obsolescence. When I feel that I have a purpose, even if just to entertain myself and maybe some passersby on the street or in my building, my soul does flips.
- THE SENSE OF OTHERS
There would be no sense of self without the sense of others. The sense of others is who you surround yourself with, how they align with you, and the feeling of spending time with them.
There's the old adage that says that you can tell who someone is by looking at the people that they surround themselves with, and I think that thought process needs to be applied to how you view the people you surround yourself with.
As my friend that I was discussing these ideas with said to me, they find it rare to find someone that makes you feel lighter when you walk away from a conversation with them. This statement has rang truer for me like no others have, as it's a connection that I've only had a handful of times in my life.
The people in your life are what provide the motion, the fun, the spice, and of course, the revelations such as the one I'm currently spewing out. Not everyone you meet in life will fill every single one of these aspects, but it's better if they don't, the same way it's better if you're never fully satisfied.
Some people I trust with aspects of my life that took me years of conversations with myself to grasp. Others, I just talk about things like TV and hallway gossip and other lighter things. Funny enough, that same sense of fulfillment colours me after I leave.
I used to tell myself that I wanted to surround myself only with people I thought were better than me, until I had the realization that putting humans on a linear line of better or worse was a complete scam. Now, what I subscribe to is surrounding myself with people I admire. This could be admiration for their interests or their morals, anything that I wish to see reflected in myself. If it's true that you are who's around you, then I only want to surround myself with people I wish to see myself in.
It seems that the most moving things I've discovered about myself have been the simplest. I've agonized over so many different little aspects of my life in so many ways. A slight argument with a friend, a bad assignment, or an art burnout. Boiling all of these numerous "issues" into simple variables in 3 segments of my life has been the most comforting thing for me.
Whenever I'm lacking in one, I look to what I have in other facets of my life and how I can use those to improve myself otherwise. It's happened in turning my passion for art slowly into one for design, and in expressing myself and my interests more freely to find friends that really resonate with me. Simplicity really is the key.