the trap of good memories
I struggle with this thing, of remembering certain people in such a golden light. Before this seems like a post talking about not-so-good people, it's not. It's about perfectly nice people.
The thing is, the way I tend to remember people is by how they made me feel. Few people in my life have made me feel like a real, raw person when talking to them. But some have. Some of these people are miles away, and have maybe always been miles away, both geographically and otherwise.
It's a really painful thing, because as these memories I hold go further and further back in my memory, I don't know what I want anymore. All I really want is to feel the way they made me feel again. Not so easy though, is it?
We've both grown in separate ways, and I'm grateful for where I am in my life, I think I've done pretty alright for myself so far. No matter what I do though, it does feel like there's a certain hole in my life, somewhere I'm lacking greatly. The remedy is so far though. Maybe it doesn't even exist, not anymore.