what the way we communicate says about who we are
This is a traded blog post title I received from Kami, and is one that stirred up a lot of different trains of thought in me. So many thoughts that it took me an egregious amount of time to settle them into one post. Here it is! Thanks so much Kami for giving me this title, you can read her post here. If you'd like to trade titles with me, let me know!
Going into first year, I made a promise to myself to be as honest as possible, and as genuine as possible. I feel like in recent years, there's been an epidemic of nonchalance, if that may be a stupid thing to say. In previous years, I would often hide aspects of my personality or interests that I was worried would be perceived as cringe, or worse, pretentious. That eventually became much too suffocating for me, and moving schools and cities was the perfect out.
The biggest thing I've learned about communication is that you only get back what you give out. When I was very young, one of the first lessons my mom taught me was in the form of a little magic trick: if you smile at someone, they'll smile back. Obviously this doesn't work every time, but it works much more often than you think!
I've found that, especially in first year, I've tried to be as happy around others as I can, even if it isn't always how I feel in that moment. Obviously, in more private moments and with closer friends, I let those walls down and give myself space to breathe. I always remember though, in some very heavy days I've had, I found light in smiles and jokes shared with strangers. Another thing I've learned about communication (and confidence!): fake it till you make it!
In particular, I remember one of the last shifts I had working at the library, I saw one of my regular patrons. Her name was Elena, she was an elderly lady who came in every Saturday right as the doors opened. She knew every single member of staff by name, and made sure to say good morning to each and every one of us by name. She knew about my high school theatre adventures, then my university application adventures, then my prepping for uni adventures. On my last shift before I left for uni, she pulled me over, holding a little letter in her hand, and wished me luck as I moved on from the library. In the card was a 10 buck tim's card, which I used to treat my favourite coworker and I to a little break coffee. I'll never forget her.
Along that vein of giving, I've found that I often search for people that are outward, passionate, and speak their minds. The best thing that I've ever done for myself is to try to be that person as much as possible. After meeting some wonderful people over my first year, I've found myself filled with overflowing love that I've never felt so strongly in my life before. I've sent off love letters to my friends in the mail, which I can say for sure I wouldn't have been brave enough to do even a few years ago. It's such a hard thing to express love and care for others as reciprocation is never a guarantee.
I think when expressing yourself as honestly and passionately as possible, those characteristics that you seek in others grow exponentially within yourself. I used to think that I wanted to surround myself by people I thought were better than me, but have realized that that wasn't the real driver. I want to surround myself with people I aspire to be like, and I can only do that by asking for it.